To understand my husband you have to get to the core of his heart and understand his depth of love. The way he loves God, the way he loves his family, the way he loves me, is so amazing. If you can imagine the deepest, most genuine, perfect kind of love, full of concern, kindness, and comfort – that’s how Aaron loves a stranger. One of the first conversations I ever had with my husband he told me, amidst a drunken stupor mind you, that there was nothing more important than showing the world kindness and love. The inside of my husband’s soul is exquisite and it shows in everything he touches. I’m seriously obsessed with him. I spend my life in constant awe of him and the way he loves.
The second thing you would have to understand is his patience. I often refer to it as his ‘calm’ when I talk to people about it. If you are reading this and you know me, you know that I am not what most people would consider stable. I feel emotions about ten times deeper than I should and I explode over things most people would barely notice. My Aar has never even thought twice about it. He loves me through it and always finds ways to pull me back to reality. His calm goes into everything he does. Through every disaster I stood in awe of how faithful he remained to God and to our future. With every set back I got more mad at God and when I asked him how he was able to look past and trust God he just quoted Romans 9:20. “On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, “Why did you make me like this,” will it?” His strength and patience has numerous times been the only thing holding me together. God gave me the most perfect person as a life partner.
With a better understanding of Aaron I’m sure you can imagine his absolute joy when I taped this to the outside of the door he walks through every night coming home from work:
He started talking to our little one the next day in the middle of a little play argument. He looked at me and said “You’re dumb.” Then he put one hand on my still unchanged abdomen and said, “Not you, little one. Your mommy – she’s dumb.” He tucked me in every night and would tell me and our little alien how loved we are. My wonderful, perfect, beautiful husband fell in love with our baby in a way I thought only I could, but I should have known. After all, it’s Aar I’m talking about.
And that brings me to the hard part. The part that breaks my heart all the more. My sweet perfect husband is broken. He is just as broken as me. I’m not telling you this to try and tell you men should cry – which is true, they should – I’m telling you this to say that they don’t know they should. My Aaron has always been so strong for me. He has held me up right and carried us through the hardest moments in my life. This is why it kills me to watch his eyes get darker. If you’re reading this and you’re just as obsessed with your person you know what it feels like to need to do anything for them, to have a gravitational pull to whatever will make their heart smile. The way Aaron loves though, the way he loves me, is the strongest thing I’ve ever felt. He will do everything it takes to piece me back together every time, but what happens when he’s just as broken.
As I write this I’m still not sure how to help my husband find any amount of peace or comfort. I’m at a loss as to what more I can do but tell him repeatably how much I love him, how much I need him, and that he can always talk to me. I don’t have any wise words to help you through this part either, just a few bible verses and prayer.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
“Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
And I’ll leave you with my favorite. We will both make it through this. He is the exact fit for my heart and God put us together. Our rainbow will happen and it will be so beautiful and so treasured.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”